Advice and Insights for Modern Daters

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Why would someone agree to go out with a Hinge connection, but decline to give out their phone number? Brande explains the reasons behind this common dating app quandary. 

Q. Why wouldn’t someone give me their phone number on a dating app? I asked for this girl’s number, and she declined, but she agreed to meet me in person. It seemed weird. Why would someone do this?

A. People approach dating apps all sorts of ways, and not giving out a phone number may be this woman’s way of playing it safe in more ways than one.

Given the number of catfish-esque dating horror stories out there, this woman might just want to be sure you are who you say you are before she gives you access to contact her. Furthermore, she might want to be sure she’s actually interested in you before exchanging information, hence her willingness to meet up with you but hesitance to pass along her number.

Not giving you her number might also be a way of trying to prevent getting caught up in a “text-lationship.” In this digital age, we tend to get to “know” people via text messages and social media profiles before ever  encountering one another in person. It’s so easy to get comfortable sending daily texts and sharing details of one another’s  lives that you miss out on the magic of getting to know someone face-to-face.

“I don’t like getting into back-and-forth’s with people from dating apps and having a bunch of random numbers in my phone, so that’s why I don’t typically give out my number,” explained Hinge user Kate*, who lives outside of New York City. “Usually the date happens faster if there isn’t a bunch of pointless banter.

Without having this woman’s number, you have no choice but to take her out and get to know her one on one. If for some reason things don’t work out, she doesn’t have to dodge calls and texts from you afterward. From those perspectives, this woman’s move is pretty genius.

Not giving you her number might also be a way of trying to prevent getting caught up in a “text-lationship.”

I won’t use the c-word (courting) here, but, in general, women are a little tired of being cheated out of special dating experiences. I think this woman’s goal here is to make you work a little bit and not get too invested in a stranger. Now, it wouldn’t hurt to double check this woman’s relationship status when you do meet up — just to be sure her number isn’t the only thing she’s keeping from you. If the date goes well, she should have no problem giving you her digits by the end of the night.

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Brande Victorian is the creator of where she chronicles tales of love in the time of weight loss along with other musings of her health and wellness journey. She also serves as Managing Editor of Follow her on Twitter and Instagram. Send questions to Brande at


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