Advice and Insights for Modern Daters

The Great Date Ghoster

Why would someone say they had a great time, then ghost you? Brande gives her thoughts on the subject. 

Q. Why would someone tell me they had a good time on a date when they really didn’t? This happens to me constantly — we’ll have a good time, they say they’ll call me, and then they never do.

Emily, 37, Los Angeles

A. It sounds like you’re experiencing nothing more than run-of-the-mill dating. And — this may surprise you — you seem to be doing better than most. Two-three dates per week is pretty impressive – some people can’t even get out of the messaging phase of using apps. As with anything in life, some of your dates have been “blah” and others pretty bomb.

That being said, I can understand your frustration at having a seemingly good time and believing the other person feels the same too, only to never hear from them again. Unfortunately,  that’s pretty much expected when dating. It sucks, yes, but it is what it is.

I’m not a fan of thinking about competition when it comes to dating, but if the people you’re going out with are dating as much as you, it’s possible they’ve simply met someone they clicked with more than you. Maybe they really did want to see you again, but then came across someone whom they had more in common with.It’s also possible “I’d really like to see you again” was just a nicety said at the end of the date because the guy felt it was the “right” thing to do.

I don’t gather that you’re doing anything wrong. In fact, if you believe in the philosophy that dating is a numbers game, you’re doing it absolutely right by going on multiple dates each week. You say you’re not getting responses from men with whom you had a good time and thought the feeling was mutual. With this in mind, I would spend some time figuring out whether those dates really went as well as you thought, or you were seeing things from the view of how you wanted them to turn out. For example, the majority of men and women do not actually say they had a good time — they show you by touching you, or trying to extend the date.*

All in all, don’t be discouraged by these experiences. Stay positive and persistent. Your next second date might be right around the corner.

*May 2017 Survey of Hinge Members

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Brande Victorian is the creator of where she chronicles tales of love in the time of weight loss along with other musings of her health and wellness journey. She also serves as Managing Editor of Follow her on Twitter and Instagram. Send questions to Brande at


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