Advice and Insights for Modern Daters

Let's Get Physical -- PLEASE!

Three dates in and he won’t make a move — cause for concern, or simply a gentleman? Alli and Jen give advice to a dating app user who is sick of waiting for a kiss.  

Q. I’ve been out with this guy from a dating app three times over the past month. Each time we’ve had a really fun time together and he seems super interested, but nothing more than a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night! Then, the communication between dates is very polite. I don’t get it. Does this guy like me or what? I have never been out with someone this many times without him trying to kiss me for real. Is he just being a gentleman? Or does he not like me? It’s almost starting to feel like we’re just friends as opposed to people looking for a romantic relationship.

Sarah, 29, Boston, MA

A. ERMAHGERD, IS IT THE RARE GENTLEMAN?! WHERE DO THEY LIVE?! In the wild, we believe them to be imperceptible to the human woman eye.

We’re so used to “woke misogynists” trying to get us all to shag-without-a-bag by the third date, that we freak out when someone doesn’t try! While it is true that 80% of people have kissed on a first date*, this isn’t the case for everyone, and absolutely no cause for concern. We think you shouldn’t worry, and that you should definitely keep seeing this dude for at least a few more dates.

80% of people have kissed on a first date*

But more importantly: How do you feel? Is there chemistry? Do you want to tear off his clothes? Are your texts polite and full of small talk, or are you texting him wacky and exciting things? And if you are texting him about the PJs & DJs party you went to and he’s still responding politely, then there’s also the possibility that he’s just plain boring. And you don’t want that. (Do you?)

Instead of the usual drinks or dinner, try suggesting something unusual or a little adrenaline-inducing for your next date. Out-of-the-ordinary activities help people come out of their shells, and adrenaline induces sexual attraction. Anything sports-related (bowling is fun, even if you’re both terrible), mini-golf, or something bizarre like shuffleboard, will get you both laughing. Even a walk in the park followed by a picnic can be a nice change of pace. 

Also, if you’re not even making out, then you’re definitely within your rights to see other people. So, no sweat! Keep seeing this guy, plan dates with some others, and decide if you are into him.

*2016 survey of Hinge Members

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Allison Goldberg & Jen Jamula are the creators of two live comedy shows — Blogologues and How To Break Up By Text — both of which look way too closely at online dating, and now they’re here to share with you all the things they can’t unsee. Their work has been featured on Good Morning America, in WIRED, Forbes, VICE and more, and at one point Time Out NY ranked them among the top ten funniest women in NYC — but they were ranked as one person. Send questions to Alli and Jen at


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