Just A Little Push
Why would someone ask for your number, then never text? Molly explains how “nudge” someone without scaring them off.
Q. A guy on a dating app asked me if I wanted to go out for drinks, so I said yes and gave him my number and told him to text me. Well, it’s been three days, and still no text. WTF? Why would someone do this, and can I nudge him? And what should I say so I don’t look like a loser?
Megan, 28, Los Angeles, CA
A. Well, that’s super annoying.
To answer your question…YES, you can nudge him. In our highly-publicized double texting study, we found that sending a second message will result in a response in more than one in three cases, up from one in 500 if that second message wasn’t sent.
If your brain is anything like mine, it’s probably run through every possible scenario as to why he didn’t text after a seemingly great conversation. Maybe he was run over by a bus? Maybe he found someone prettier to talk to? Maybe he got back with his ex-girlfriend? Maybe he Googled you and found out something truly heinous?
Yes, all of these scenarios are possible, but they’re not likely. Trust me, there is a difference. My guess is this guy is what I like to call a Lazy Lion — he uses dating apps as a form of entertainment, and probably had every intention of texting you, but then just…forgot. You know how lions at zoos just sort of…lay there, yawning? Yeah, that’s this guy. Unless you throw a piece of steak in his face, it’s unlikely he will ever “pounce.”
Go ahead and log back into the dating app, and send him the following text: “Did my text get lost in the mail?” with the mailbox emoji. This is light, funny, and puts zero pressure on him. Trust me, Lazy Lions hate pressure.
One word of warning: if you do end up meeting and this guy displays additional Lazy Lion behavior, run. I am talking about any of the following:
- Cancelling last minute and asking for a “rain check,” then never actually cashing said rain check, forcing you to obsessively stalk his social media to make sure he’s not dead or in the Witness Protection Program
- Selective responding. E.g., he will respond to a pointless GIF, but not to your question about accompanying you to a friend’s wedding
- He goes days without texting you, until Friday night, when he suddenly regains use of his thumbs
Hopefully your guy is not a Lazy Lion and you will not have to deal with any of the above. That being said, it’s a jungle out there, and it never hurts to stay alert.
*June 2017 Hinge data analysis
Molly Fedick is the Editor-in-Chief of IRL. She has written extensively on the role of technology in modern dating for publications including Glamour, NBC, the Chicago Tribune, Elite Daily, and Huffington Post. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @mylifeasmolly. Send Molly questions at firstname.lastname@example.org.