Single and Sexless
He’s 29, a virgin, and scared to tell women. Alli and Jen give advice to a dating app user who doesn’t know how and when to bring up this sensitive subject to new partners.
Q. I’m a 29-year-old virgin. It’s not for religious or ethical reasons; it just happened. How and when should I tell the people I’m dating? I know this is weird and I don’t want to scare anyone off.
Matt, 29, Boston, MA
A. Well, aren’t you adorable! We think this might actually be refreshing to a lot of girls. In fact, 44 percent of women Hinge surveyed said it would not be a turnoff.* So, don’t worry so much!
That said, we completely understand that you’re nervous, and it’s a sensitive topic. We don’t advise bringing it up on the first date; it’s just not the conversation either of you should be having. You should be asking each other travel questions and whether or not you both love bacon. #KeepItClassy.
Once you start hooking up– like, seriously hooking up and clothes are coming off, a number of dates in — you should broach it. At that point, you really have nothing to worry about. You know she’s into you, because in this scenario you’re in her bed or she’s in yours. Believe us: at that point, there are much scarier things you could tell her than: “I’m a virgin,” like: “I have herpes.” (This is not to make fun of herpes y’all, which is a legit scary conversation that a lot of people have to have.)
Also, we always ask ourselves, “What’s the worst that could happen?” She thinks you’re odd and dumps you? (Sounds juvenile to us.) No: the worst that could happen is that she’s totally fine with it, you fall in love, and she leaves you for Ryan Lochte. Seriously, you sound like a nice and level-headed person, and if she’s not into you because you are a virgin, she’s the one with the issue. (Unless you are a loveless workaholic and aren’t telling us!)
Finally, you’re not as alone as you think. We can think of a few older male virgins off the tops of our heads. We think men are so scared to talk about it, that they don’t know there are others out there!
So keep it in perspective and approach it with as much ease as you can. We promise that when you finally lose it, it’s gonna be NBD! We’re very excited for you. Have fun. And remember to toss her around. Wait, what? We mean… good luck!
*May 2017 survey of Hinge Members
ALLI GOLDBERG AND JEN JAMULA
Allison Goldberg & Jen Jamula are the creators of two live comedy shows — Blogologues and How To Break Up By Text — both of which look way too closely at online dating, and now they’re here to share with you all the things they can’t unsee. Their work has been featured on Good Morning America, in WIRED, Forbes, VICE and more, and at one point Time Out NY ranked them among the top ten funniest women in NYC — but they were ranked as one person. Send questions to Alli and Jen at firstname.lastname@example.org.