Keeping It Real
Is it strategic or dishonest to hide a potentially off-putting scar from your dating profile? Alli and Jen give advice on how to navigate this sticky situation.
Q. I feel like I’m deceiving people with my pictures on dating apps because I purposely only pose from one side. The thing is, I have a pretty noticeable scar on my face. How should I handle this? Only show the right side of my face, or be honest and show the whole thing?
Cara, 27, Denver, CO
A. First of all, is this a scar that you’re hypersensitive about but that no one else sees? Or is it truthfully sort of off-putting if someone doesn’t know it’s there?
Second, did you know that Tina Fey supposedly has a scar on her face from an attack as a child? Hasn’t stopped her!
To avoid kittenfishing your date, I suggest showing your most flattering — but realistic — photos (no Photoshop!). You can always include the fact that you have a scar in your profile text somewhere that makes sense, if possible as an interesting anecdote about you. Or you can bring it up while texting before the first date.
Physical features are never exactly the problem; people have all different preferences. In fact, recent research shows that our preferences are way more interesting than we claim.
Avoid kittenfishing your date by letting them know about any noticeable physical features before the date.
The problem is showing up to a date and feeling blindsided and/or like the person doesn’t look like his/her/their photos. Creating an online dating profile is about matching flattering photos with honesty. I once showed up to an online date and the guy was completely bald. I don’t necessarily mind bald dudes, but it was off-putting that he had a *full* head of hair in every profile photo!
So show yourself off, and always be honest.
ALLI GOLDBERG AND JEN JAMULA
Allison Goldberg & Jen Jamula are the creators of two live comedy shows — Blogologues and How To Break Up By Text — both of which look way too closely at online dating, and now they’re here to share with you all the things they can’t unsee. Their work has been featured on Good Morning America, in WIRED, Forbes, VICE and more, and at one point Time Out NY ranked them among the top ten funniest women in NYC — but they were ranked as one person. Send questions to Alli and Jen at email@example.com.